Calling

I am empty,
I'm am a dead soul, my body is weak.
I walk around malls this way.. People staring my way as I walk past. They say 'are you okay' or 'what's your problem'... But I know I was destined for greatness, I know of someone who thinks im to die for.....

In Him I am made complete. I lay my head on that pillow knowing daily that He is in control. My light grows as I begin to trust Him and lean on Him. See life's not a 'walk in the park' as we call it. No friends life's a struggle, we must due to self, that's a hard thing. Daily I fight with my flesh, not to fall into temptation. You see I'm like this because a guy named adam sinned and broke Gods law. So I'm sinful by nature thanks to Him. Living 4 Him is the life and is better than the life I once lived. I might look weird but baby I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and living the way I'm called to.

Hanging Out with Jesus

This past semester the Lord has really told me one simple thing: 'Sit Back and rest.' Thats a hard thing for me because I always like to do things. I've been learning to hear God's voice, but this year as a whole, 2011. God has chosen this year for me to see Him. Until recently I had only seen Him once. A month or two ago, I just felt led to go in front of the Lord. I felt like I was supposed to lay down on the chair. I did I closed my eyes and I told God, I said "God, I want to rest in You, its what You, here I am do what ya want." I said that and just laid there, I've blogged about this experience before but that was one of the first times that I had ever seen hung out with Him or even seen Him. Granted I dont know how He looks, because no one really knows what He looks like but I went by what pictures I had seen of Him.

Then yesterday I was bored so I decided to hang out with a friend. We were playing a game and I happened to look over at a chair and see Jesus.. He looked intrested in what we were doing. My friend gets these sights of Him as well, she see's Him as her husband, which is cool in my book. We got to talking that whatever way we might need Him, thats how He reveals himself to us. For me its a support person. He is always there to help me when Im down. He is always there, always has His hands on me, praying for me. Its such an encouragement. Its great to know that I have someone who loves me that much and supports me through all the tough times, someone who forgives me even when I dont love back. Thats true love people. I believe  that I have grown so much closer to Him this year than all the years that I've been saved.

There's Hope

I'm thinking to myself, after being in a dark place. I wonder if there is anything out there. I look up and in pure spite of myself I look up. There's light.

There's Hope

I look around.. I dont see anyone looking my way. I start to climb very quietly. I make it up halfway.

There's Hope.

I keep climbing until I reach the top. Each step I take I get closer and closer to my goal, my prize. I make it out on top. Massive light is shown around me, I am filled with the utermost joy and satisfaction.

There's Hope.

I look up and i see where the light is coming from, its upon a hill, quickly I follow the light, running and persuing it with all that I have. Down the hill I go, across the river and up the hill I go to reach the light.

There's Hope.

I cant believe what I see, my eyes are awestruck, I can no longer contain myself. I fall to my kness and worship. I say to myself that there is Hope.

(its my prayer that YOU would put your trust in Christ if you havent done so.)

Photo moments

Ive gotten into photography here's some of my works.

Come

Yesterday I got the opportunity to go to an awesome worship service to support a friend. It was awesome to see her and she what she does best: sing. But the theme was 'A Generation that Worship's"

We live in such a corrupt world that the name of Christ doesn't shake most people. A world that has turned away from the only love that we have or could ever need. It breaks my heart that we have ignored that kind of love. John 10:10 states ' I have come so that they may have life and live it to the fullest.' That means we can live however we choose as it is in Christ and is by the Bible. You don't have to stay quiet, you can be yourself. Just look at me, I am an art major at a very liberal arts school, where the Gospel is not proclaimed in the department. I believe that God has placed me there to be an example and a light in the darkness. I do what I do because I know it's what He wants for my life and I display my work because I want to please Him. I hope I'm a light to the darkness. I am a musician that plays guitar, I'm not good yet but I do it because again I believe its part of what He wants. My point in all this is that you don't have to change who you are in order to follow Christ. He says come as you are... so you don't have to become something your not, be yourself, be the person that you were meant to be. There's so much freedom in the Lord. If He isn't over your life I would challenge you to accept the greatest person that will change your life for the best. He doesn't ask you to change who you are, He loves you, just follow in His footpaths for your life, I promise you your life will never be the same :)

Dying to self

In life we are called to make sacrifices. Whether that be our time, money or other things we must always think about having a kingdom mindset. I'm not a perfect being by far but according to Romans I was dead in my sin, I needed a Savior and then God worked it all out for me by providing me with His son. But it talks about being slaves to the Gospel. How we are not slaves to sin any longer but we are slaves to righteousness. It talks about honoring God with everything.

Wait a min. You're saying that I have to honor Him in every aspect? YES. It says don't use your body to do un godly things with it, when you do that you are dishonoring him and mocking Him. I struggle with this... And it's a daily battle but I know that with Christ on my side that I can conquer anything the devil tries to place in my way. Instead it says use your members to glorify Him? How can I do that? Live your salvation everywhere you go, school, in your room, with friends etc. Live it out and be a living sacrifice to God because He gave it up for you. Die to yourself everyday is something I need to make a habit Of doing daily. I need to spend more time in the word too because i feel that is what the devil uses to get to me. My prayer is that I would continent stay strong in the faith and will Persia my prize which is my king and my city in the sky. Pray with me

Worship

So my semester is finally coming to a close. Here I am sitting typing this. I have a week left until winter break. I cant believe that it has flown by this fast. God is so amazing, this is been a time that I have really just gotten to hang out with God, and just relax and catch up on things. Sometimes I believe that He wants that from me. I feel as if He wants me to somehow slow down in what Im doing and just worship at his feet. I do that by playing guitar and singing... I recently wrote a song called "alleujah" I thought I'd share the lyrics, mediatate and worship to them and reflect on how He has moved in your life. Worship Him! its totally worth your time, trust me. Enjoy:

Humbly I Come

Seeking Your Face

I Want to Feel You Near

I Seek Your Face

Hear Me as I Cry

Alleujah, Alleujah

I Worship You

Alleujah, to the King of Kings

I Look Up

I See You

I Know Your Here

I Fall on my Knees and Say

Alleujah, Alleujah

I Worship You

Alleujah, to the King of Kings.

Be blessed this Holiday Season

Todays message really hit home with me: it was talking about sin originated... many people believe that sin enterned into the world when Adam first sinned.. That is true but sin Originiated with the devil.

According to Genesis, God created everything and had Adam reign over all the creatures of the world. God favored Him, that He even let Him name them. I believe that to be an awesome privilage. But he had to screw it up, the devil getting in the way as always,they wanted to rebel against God because they thought that they could become like God, a thought that would mess up life as we know it today. Therefore sin entered the world and hence where we are today. 

But's that not where the story ends

Scripture talks of a man named Jesus, how was God in the flesh, He came to this earth lived a perfect 33 years and then gave His life for US so that we could have life, and not only that we could reign with Him forever.  Where Adam failed... Christ covered... Where sin abounds, Grace abounds even more. I thank God everyday that He is in my life because without Him I am nothing. I'm a flower quickly fading (CC Song) thats here for a short time, lets not waste it. 

I'm am learning and seeking complete Lordship to God... I am learing to trust in Him fully and completely.. I still have some set backs in my life that the devil tries to get me on but . Taking myself off the throne and putting Him where He needs to be is a goal of mine. I am learning what it means to die to myself and totally live for Him, I still dabble in my past and sometimes slip up but I am learning from my mistakes and growing in my faith ten fold. I view Lordship as "Go Hard or Go Home", one of my favorite christian rappers has a song by that name and the message is simple: Live for me or just stop trying. If your not gonna give Him all then why give some?? I ponder that question and Im speaking to myself I deal with that to. It really gives me a chance to fully examine it and it reminds me my need for a Savior. So thank You God that You love a sinner like me. :)

My random thoughts

God has been so faithful to me, ahhh I just love Him..

He's the lover of my soul... the only thing my heart longs and desires for.

Its so awesome to be in His will... His love never fails us...

He makes me joyus. I will sing and dance for Him for the rest of my life...

I will use my gifts and talents to praise Him, the one who gave them to me.

Despite what im dealing with, He's faithful.. despite who I am.. He still Loves

Joy....unspeakable... overflowing. ahh.

Lost myself in you.. I cant contian my joy in you Jesus.

Nothing in this life matters BUT YOU.... Help me to live everyday to the fullest.

I will sing praises to you, I will worship at your feet, you are worthy

HALLEUJAH, what a Savior I have..

Come... Come... we want to be near...I desire a closeness I've never felt before.

Spirit of the Living God, dwell here within me.

You make beautiful things out of dust... I was not hidden from you..

Jesus I live for you and you alone

I have been feeling Jesus near me the past couple days.. yesterday at worship pratice... I was sitting and worshiping.. I pictured myself standing somewhere and all of a sudden I see Jesus walk up to me. He's decending upon me, in a white robe with blue shash draped across him. Long hair and beard.. I remember seeing Him reach out and touch my head, my forhead to be exact and i havent quite figured it out maybe it had to do something with me getting healed.... the other 50 percent. It was  an awesome time and afterwards a girl on the team pulled me aside and told me that Jesus had His hand on my head and back. I thought that was awesome because I had seen that earlier. Its awesome to know that He does care and is always there to support me even when I fail

Nothing Compairs

Beautiful God
Laying Your majesty aside
You reached out in love to show me life
Lifted from darkness into light
Oh
King for a slave
Trading Your righteousness for shame
Despite all my pride and foolish ways
Caught in Your infinite embrace
Oh

And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love love love
Burning in my heart
Saviour and Friend
Breathing Your life into my heart
Your word is the lamp unto my path
Forever I'm humbled by Your love
Oh
Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus how I adore You
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compare to this love love love

Break into Me

I have been to the depths of the sea
I have climbed to the top of the tallest tree.
I've scaled to the tops of mountains.
I've even seen the geyser fountains.

And I've come back with nothing......

I've searched for you, I have sought you out.
I want to see you beyond any doubt.
Father my heart is jealous for you
Nothing will ever change my love for you.

And Still I am without nothing......

I lift my hands and begin to cry out:
Father guide me throughout, fill me and make me whole.
Break into me and clease my soul.
Your All I Need, Your All I Need Jesus.

My Heart yearns for you, for your embrace.
Thank you for bestoing Grace... upon a sinner like me.


Heal me like you never have before Jesus <3 Your All I Need <3 Grip My Heart and give me a passion for You <3 Bring embinding Jesus, God break into the Hard Hearted. To all who have been broken, show me your love and compassion Father. Break into me.... Speak to me....

Dirty and Left Out

I am in love with the band called "The Almost". I just have recently gotten into them alot more. But they have a song called "dirty and left out". Some of the lyrics say "I've been dirter than you wanna know" "I've left earlier than you wanna know" To me that represents where I was and sometimes still am. You see.... God created me, you, everything here.. We fell short of His standard that He has set for us, His creation. That fully seperated us from His love, we completly lost His trust, we had no hope, BUT in steps the son, Jesus Christ, in all His majestic being, came and lived among us, I find that so amazing that God Himself said "i'm gonna step down from my kingdom and see how my people live" While here He lived a perfect life, was tempted in every way that we are today but never once did He sin. He knew what He was called to do, He was here to die for us. I think we forget how painful is actually was: maybe because we didnt witness it...  above is a vid that explains it.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I know that I sin everyday... it hurts me that I do it. It bothers me, I know that He will heal me, I just have to wait for Him to do it... I believe that He has gotten me halfway... but there is still the other side. I know I am dirty on the inside sometimes and I am but filthy rags before Him, nothing I do on my own can I get to Him, its only by His grace and mercy that I am here typing and am alive today... I have come a long way and I credit it all to Him but Im still not where I would like to be. A time in my life God was not apart of my life... and I just did my own thing, it pains me every time I think about it but Im thankful so much for grace without it I am nothing.. You are never alone.. He is still there.. seek Him out He will rock you like He did me.

The Changing of Times...

How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the Gospel. <--- I love that. :)

This week has been stressful but yet a blessing. The past two days I have had the opportunity to talk to two friends and encourage them. Yesterday at dinner I sat with one of my friends and we talked. I asked how her and the Lord were doing, she said they were working on it. We talked for a while and I invited her to church with me on Sunday and I set her up with some new music.. I always like to be there and encourage others who may be in need or struggling in their faith. I know how that is because I have been there myself.. I was once alone, with no one, dealing with things in my life. It's only by Gods grace that I am who I am today... its my hope and prayer that God will lead me to individuals that are in need. Today, a girl in my art class, I was just commenting on how I liked her work, and the Lord led me into that conversation.. I shared a little of my story with her and how im learning to stand on my own two feet and walk. I told her that it would take some time but keep persuing Him and He will work it out. I've gotten done with 2 of my exams this week, only one tomm. I have a drawing thats due for in class tomm, I wasted a whole class and didnt get anywhere but thats okay He will work it out for me. I am so greatful to have a Savior that loves me and cares about whats going on in my life. 

You were made to Worship.

Music- a way of "dealing" with things in the world. It is our method of escape in tough times. When we dont feel good or we just having an off day, we pop in the headphones and immediately feel better, at least in my case. Tonight was an excellent way for me to show this. 

I am in the worship band at my church, for our college ministry. I play the guitar and and sing. Tonight we had one of many rehersals that we do, so we can plan out the weeks songs, see how they sound together and catch up with fellow members. We usually pray and worship in the time, its our way of saying "We want You Jesus, come" tonight we worshiped to Hillsong and we voiced a couple prayers for the Lord to use us and to help us remain focused. I felt the Lord lead me to read my bible during part of that time, He led me to the book of Psalms the 98th chapter:

Sing to the LORD a new song,
   for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm    have worked salvation for him.
² The LORD has made his salvation known    and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
³ He has remembered his love
   and his faithfulness to Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
   the salvation of our God.

            Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, 

 burst into jubilant  song with music;
⁵  make music to the LORD with the harp,
   with the harp and the sound of singing,
⁶ with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—
   shout for joy before the LORD, the King.

 ⁷ Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
   the world, and all who live in it.
⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands,
   let the mountains sing together for joy;
⁹ let them sing before the LORD,
   for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
   and the peoples with equity.

I just prayed that and I felt the spirit there after reading through it. I began to get emotional, I'm usually not a sad person, but just being in front of royalty made me emotional and it made me fall on my face, that was one of the most awesome parts on my worship. My friend prayed for me too and I almost lost it, but my point is that God loved us so much that He died for us, me and you, past,present and forever will He love mankind, because we are His creation. Why couldnt you not worship someone like that? The God of thuniverse wants to know you and see you more on a personal level, why dont u trust Him.

Dream from a while back

I had the weirdest of dreams yesterday, after going to bed pretty late from watching a movie. I was in a place, I cant really remember where I was. I remember that I was running from this lady... all I remember was that she was trying to kill me, I dont understand why she wanted to kill me but everytime she got near or close to me I somehow fled her. Like I would hide from her and she was never able to find me.

"When anixeity was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19.

I woke up yesterday before church, my heart racing, I didnt understand why it was doing that. I immed. got up and did what I needed to do to get ready for service. People that I talked to asked me if I prayed about it or not and I said that I hadn't. I talked to a friend and he said it was def. spiritual warefare. I had not felt that before, or at least not noticed it before. After talking it out, I think the woman was representing the devil, and I was running away fleeing him. When I would disappear from him and appear to another place, I feel that God was there, He was covering me, thats why he could never never see me. He is so mighty to save. I am so thankful for a God that protects.

Who are u living for?

This past weekend was CO men's retreat, it was good to get away from the world and just be with men that are living for the same thing that you are living for. The talks really got to me especially the one about who am I really living for.

In Matthew 4:17-22 Jesus calls the first disciples. He expected and knew that they would follow Him. "come follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." I believe He gives us the same calling.. come He says and I will make u fishers unto the nations unto the world. Seems easy right... Yur thinking oh yea sign me up. As easy as that may seem... It's hard. We can't go through life on our own... We need Christ. Were prideful beings and we "like" to think were our own Gods but were not. We can't live life on our own.. We need to know that we have a creator that is there to help us along the way. I struggle with giving Him control sometimes. It is a pride thing that I have to be broken of. Christ promises us a new body and in my case a new man with new ambitions and wants. He gives us a new message. 2 Corinthians 5:17 states that we are no longer have a ticket to hell but we have a new opportunity in Christ to live free of self and complete trust in Him. This message hit me...

Then again on Tuesday the same message was brought again to me and everyone, the devil tries to tell us that we have it all.that we don't need the Lord, that we can be our own king, not caring what the Lord says. You ask me on Tuesday night if I was living for the Lord. I would
say not whole heartily. There were things that I had not given fully over to him. Like my sexual past,my struggles, etc. He expects all of my life and I'm sitting there knowing I haven't give in Him my all, at that moment I was following a king of hopelessness. I would not even call him a king, a cheap low person that has not gotten anywhere in life. For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus. For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Help me just to hold on for the ride.

So What have I been up to?



School is the main part... I am into the sixth week of my second year of college at UNCG. School is more stressful just getting back into the swing of things but I know that I will come out on top and it will be okay.

My life at this moment is like an up and down roller coaster or at least it has been. I guess this is the Lords way of reminding me of what was said to me at the end of the semester. The Lord is testing me. I know it I can feel it. There are days where I dont understand things and I get mad or fustrated at myself. I feel sometimes that I cry out to God and I don't immediately hear Him, but thats okay because He will work it out for the good of those who love Him. I've been dabling in the same things that I have discussed before. Me and my friends did this little assignment today and here it goes: (i'll give my answers)
1. Close your eyes.
2. Picture yourself walking. I was walking along a gravel path
3.Now invite the Lord to join you. I saw the Lord in a white robe, with a blue sash, long hair, beard, etc.
4.Ask Him to take you to a place. He took me to a garden, with waterfalls and very white light
5. Ask Him if there is anything you need to do. I feel as if you are holding onto something, guilt maybe
6. If yes, open up to recieve what He's giving you. Promises Healing and Restoration for me.
7. If there is anything else? No.

The Lord has really been teaching me to focus on Him, and not lean on my own understanding. Thats hard for me but it's something I'll have to learn. Trust is another thing for me as well. Trusting Him with all that I have. This semester Im thankful for a group of guys that hold me accountable. Thanks to that, I have been able to remain pure except for a few instances, but I never will quit on my God, He never stopped persuing me so I wont either.. That image means new beginnings in Christ to me, Im a flower that is about to bloom. Devil watch out... I will bring you down.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ,he is a new creation; old things are passed away;behold, all things are made new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Ownership..

I stumbled upon this in my sermon notes from last night. We talked about how God creates. How He forms out of nothing, how He molds us together, how He allows us to to live and a chance to live fully out for Him. I serve a beautiful God, He is the only God, He is so personal with us His creation if we are in Christ. We are all His children but some of us He is still looking for. You look around and see His beautiful creation that He has made. There has to be a reason for all this being here, why we humans are here. Its awesome to know that the Lord has created this place and that He wants to be apart of it and lastly where would I be without grace? Eternal seperation from a Holy God, thats where. He is so beautiful and mighty. I cant wrap my mind around just who He is to me... It's impossible for me too. A profound point made last night was If we dont understand that God created us, then we wont understand our sin. Creation is a focal point of what I believe. This is true for everyone, if we dont acknowledge that there is a God then we wont understand sin nature. We would live life everyday how we want, not under the ownership of anyone or anything, God is the creator so therefore He owns us because He made us. So there we see that we cant live for ourselves, or our own gain. We serve someone else, who is bigger and powerful than we will ever be. Surrender is something we need to understand alot. We need to see the bigger picture. Like when we look at a beautiful garden or place, rather than looking at the creation we need to look at the creator because He is the only one who matters.

Set a Fire.

I came across this song a while back at a thing I'd like to call Summer Beach Project. I cannot begin to tell you how much passion comes out of this song when you sing it. During this song the Holy Spirit shows up in ways that we cannot imagine. It's crazy how it happens to me. This is one of my new favorite jams for Christ. It's a beautiful song and it should be everyones prayer to God. I'm currently listening to it at the moment and I have chills. Its "Set a Fire" by The United Persuit Band. This makes me wanna dance, cry, pray, jump, anything else you can think about. I remember the last night at project a whole row of us, hands around each others shoulders and swaying from side to side. I had never worshiped like that before with 150 college students all worshiping the same God I was. I looked around the room and I saw people jumping, praying, and just praising the Lord. I could see the passion in their words and in their actions. It was awesome. The Lord really shows up when you hear this song. It's just pure awesomeness. Here's the Lyrics:

  

No Place I'd rather be

No Place I'd rather be

No place I'd rather be

Then here in your love,here in your love

So set a fire down in my soul

that I can't contain that I can't control

I want more of you God, I want more of you God.

Wow what a song. Thats my prayer everyday. I dont want to be anywhere but in my savior's arms. He is the only one that matters after this world is done. He is the only one that we will be with for forever. We all need that fire that this song is talking about, we need it daily or else were going to fail. Its a cry out to God to be a burning flame for Him, thats my desire for my life. No one is gonna stop me, not the devil or anyone getting in my way. God, I want more. Send it my way. I love you.

Here's the Vid. Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A8almp_nCU

Learning your Love everyday.

Since my last post, things have been okay. It's not all the way better but I can say that its well on its way. There are times that I do fall on my face but I get back up and continue to fight. One of the last meetings of Summer Beach Project, taught us that we need to preach the gospel to ourselves daily. That means that as soon as we wake up we need to surrender ourselves to His lordship. I'm preaching to myself as well, because I know there is mornings where I don't get up and acknowledge my creator for giving me another chance at living my life.

I always go to my phone first and check the Facebook and Twitter apps and alot of the posts that I see that alot of people tweet " Thankin God for another day" I'm not saying thats bad or anything, I happen to see the same person who tweeted that laster using cuss words or posting things that are not of the Lord. They have that right but I dont understand why you would post about the Lord and then do the complete opposite of the Lord. I saw a tweet that I just retweeted, it says "Everyone tweets about God, but do YOU actually talk to Him". I was taken aback, wow it really just hit me that I always tweet or post about the Lord, but I return I never really go to Him and talk. I believe the only time I go to Him is when I'm in need of forgivness of a sin that I have committed and it shouldnt be like that. The Lord expects us to come to Him all the time, even when we dont need forgivness. He wants us to come and praise Him just for who He is and thats more than enough.

True Happiness

Well, I was thinking today after coming back from a nice one on one with my campus pastor: that I don't need to find my pleasure/happiness in sinful things. I can find the same happiness in is Lord and things that are of Him. This thought has been on my mind for about a couple hours. I DON'T need to find my happiness in sinful earthly things, in the future they will only pass away in the end, the only thing that matters is Him and the things of Him. Thats been a hard truth for me to learn over these past few months since giving myself to fully over to Christ. It's not about me anymore, my wants, my needs. I think my pride gets in the way of Him doing alot.

I have some of the coolest relationships with people that are fellow believers, there is nothing different from the rest of humanity we just know who we serve and we live to follow Him. People might think were crazy but I rather think its fun. Me and my friends played Hide and Go Seek and Ultimate every night for the last two weeks, haha even in the midst of exams, we still made it a priority to have some fun and loosen up. Those are times in my life when I'm never going to forget. Were Christians, I think I don't realize that all the fun and pleasure can come out of Godley people. All the slips and falls were awesome. My friend got stuck in the tree with bugs and she didnt want to move and those were good times too. Point is that I have a place where I can put my pleasure and use it for something that is good.

Uphill Battle

I've had an amazing summer. I can't even begin to express how much the Lord has moved in my life this summer. He had me at the beach all summer, for a reason. I was there to learn more about Him and proclaim His name to the people that vacation there. I learned so much about my King while I was there. Some awesome decisions have been made in my life as well in others. The main reason I'm on here is asking for prayer. Ever since Jan. of this year, when I fully gave my life over to Christ, I believe that my life has been and uphill climb on a steep cliff. I was in the valley looking up at the wonders of freedom and what He could offer me. Janurary 12 is when the Lord rescued me from that valley, I had been trapped there for seven years of my life. He came like a theif i n the night and captured me. He placed me to the rock and I began to climb reaching Him step by step. My goal is to fully reach Him, although I know its not possible to reach Him until we actually are brought into His prescence but I strive to live as right as I possiblly can.

What do I need prayer about?? you ask. Well, in life we are never perfect and I know that I will miss a step or two in a certain points. I believe God is testing me through those things to truely wanting me to rely totally on Him for everything. He knows that.  I want to be rid of that sin in my life that I'm dealing with at the current moment. For a while I was going good but then I feel short and I quickly repented and moved on, but as soon as I came back from this awesome summer, I fell back into old habits and I believe that there isnt where He wants me. I am just decending the moutaintop high and I shouldnt be doing that. I need to get back up there, but anyway, I feel like I've fallen all the way back down. I'm not in the valley but im close to it. I'm not at the dept where I was. During that time in my life, I didn't care what He thought I was me and I was living my life. I didn't like to have to submit to a God that I couldn't see or that had never made an effort to be there. He was there and I just didn't see it, my eyes were blinded to it. I am thankful that He brought me out of that and opened my eyes. I was blind for seven years of my life and Christ 'spit in my eyes' and I could see again. Things went on from there and I began my climb.

I thought that no one could take me down, and then the devil started to mess with me and try to knock me down. It shows how weak I am, to let him get to me like that and as an end result I slipped but caught my grip. I continued to climb and then I again felt myself slip. That lead me to falling all the way down back to the bottom. Just as I was about to fall off I grabed ahold of the rock, I believe thats where I've been for a while and I try to fix it but I always end up that way. :(  I get mad at myself. uhhh I always beat myself up about it because I have no desire to be there again, but I can't seem to get past these things. Uhh flesh I hate you.

I need to realize that I can't do it on my own. I need help. I have the best 'rock climbing instructor ever' Jesus. :) haha its cheezy I know but roll with me. All I have to do is call out for Him to help me and He will. He is right there by my side coaching me on towards my goal. Far to often do I rely on myself to get me through things and it always fails. "Watch and Pray, LEST YOU fall into TEMPTATION. When I conflicted or pressured to do things I know are wrong all I have to do is pray. So I ask you to pray for me as I'm in this part of my life spiritually. Thanks :) Matt.

Journaling from the Beach

Hello guys, I thought that I would post some of my journal entries that I took during my time at the Beach this past summer. Here goes:

This particular entry, God really answered my prayer.

'God, I thank you that by your spirit, I am able to to do the things that I thought were never possible. You know that I have a problem speaking to people. I guess you could say that I'm like Moses but Lord I know that you did mighty things through his life. You brought down a whole kingdom and he had a speaking problem! .......

Here's the second part of that entry

Lord I want to be able to talk to people, help me to trust in you when I talk to others. Use Me! Give me the words that you would have me say to the people I enteract with. Father use me, I love you.....

Long story short... two days after I wrote this God sent me a person who I shared with, and he came close to coming to faith. See, He answers prayer.

Upon arriving home the other day I journaled again in response to what I studied that day.

'Far to ofen do I find myself becoming impatient b/c I ask for something and it is not given when I want it. This shows me how spoiled I am. I wonder if anything I do glorifys the Lord. I see the things I do are not in  vain and they will pay off..... I believe enduring and fighting for something, eventually pays off. I need to be more trusting on God and leaning on Him for changes.

Nice to Meet You.

Hello, I'm Matt.  I am a new person. I say that because I believe I'm a new person than who I was when I first left. I still look the same, talk the same, walk the same. Whats different you ask?  I have a changed heart and a view on how the world is. I have been at the beach for eight weeks, working a part time job, earning money. Even bettter than  that I have gotten a  chance to experience my Lord and continue to grow in Him

This summer the Lord has really showed me who I am. The 'little things' that I do on a daily basis that I might not think are bad but in reality they matter towards others. I learned that I need to watch myself because some of the things I do might not come off bad but to others they might see something else. The theme was 4 His Glory or 4HG. The main thing was that everything I do isn't for my glory but for His, the God who gave me life. Through Bible Study I have learned how to study the Bible in a way that I can understand it.Prayer has taught me to pray by the ACTS method( adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication.) I feel that my prayer life has grown greatly, most of my prayer's were just based solely on me. Throughout the summer, I have worked on that. Evangelism has helped me so much. At first I wanted to run away from people that I reached out to. Throughout the summer I went from being scared to leading someone through the whole track. There was one guy that I almost lead to Christ as well but he had to think.

God has really showed me that Campus Outreach is where I need to be. I believe that He called me there, and I answered that call. He has really blessed me beyond belief this past year and I am thankful. I have built so many relationships through it and I am forever grateful. Im excited to get back to school so I can impact it for the gospel and I cant wait to see all my brothers and sisters again.

I'll post soon Matt 

a new part

    

I am adding a new instrament to my playing ability. Can you guess what Im going to play? You guessed it, guitar. I want to learn for two different reasons. I have always wanted to try it out. Being a string player myself I have a respect for any string instrament. I dont believe its going to be that hard. I have already learned how to play a string instrament in the past. I'll just have to learn the frets and the tabs and pratice and I shoule be good. I believe it is a beautiful instrament and it will be an honor to be able to make music with it. Thats not the only reason that I want to do it.

The next reason is because I view it as a way to invite others into worship. I enjoy playing music and nothing more would I like to see and do is to be able to use the gift that God has given me to help me in my own worship but also to help others. I play violin and I do a little bit of bongoing. I enjoy worshiping God through music because I know that it is something that I am passionate about and that Im good at. I view worship as a beautiful intimate experience, and I would be apart of it 24/7 if I could. at least coporate worship that is.  Psalm 95:6 states " Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;" Thats amazing that the same God that is worthy of our worship, took the time to encounter and provide a way for us to worship Him. I love to engage people in worship because its something that I enjoy doing myself. I want to learn another instrament so that I can join up with my churches worship team as well as our small group worship team. i believe that this is where God wants me to use my talent to play music to use it for Him and turn it into a beautiful thing that honors Him. It would be an honor to be apart of that.

I'll leave u with this Psalm 96:9 says: Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. He's worthy of it. Will you act on it

Let me love like You :)

I have been doing a reading through of Franic Chan's book entitled "Crazy Love" for some time now. The Lord smacks me across the face everytime I pick it up to read. The beginning talks about how BIG God is and how little we are, how we a little part of His whole creation, but He still chooses to persue a relationship with us. That to me blows my mind. The second part shows us and basically called me out on being a lukewarm christian. I feel that it was a harsh reality check for me. In the third chapter of Revelation, Christ states that if we are lukewarm He will spit us out of His mouth. Scary right?

Alright let me get to the point, i was reading today about the obsessed people who love God.  One quote that stood out to me was "Obessed People love those who hate them and who can never love them back." I had an experience this past year with loving someone. It was my roomate second semester. He didnt believe in God and He told me that He would not pick on my beliefs, but towards the end of the semester it got worse. He ended up telling me that I was reading a book of fairy tales one night. That really boiled me but I decided to keep it cool. I tried talking with Him but it didnt work. Luckily my friends came down and I left the room. I can't stand it when people diss my beliefs. Christ reminded me of something tonight, I need to show Godly love to people that need it. Sometimes it may be the only love of God that they ever get. I was reminded of that because I lived in the International dorm this past year. The book stated that true faith is loving a person after they have hurt you or brought you down. My human response to this is why must I love this person after what they did to me? but then the question is do I pray and love them as Christ loves me?

my talents

I have been thinking about the talents that the Lord has given me recently.

Everything that He has given me to my knowledge comes from using my hands.

To think that out of these impure hands can create masterpieces is beyond me.

I can't begin to understand my gifting because I cant begin to understand the God who provided me with the abilites and talents.

God got me into music at an early age. I have always been into music but it wasn't until I went to middle school that I picked up my first instrament: the violin. I love that instrament and it is an honor to play an instrament as beautiful as that. I began to fall in love with classical music and I stayed with it to this day. I had a dream last night, I was standing there with an acoustic guitar over my neck in front of a whole audience. I dont know if thats where God wants me but I kinda have a feeling thats where He wants me. I know He didnt put me in music for just for the sole purpose of entertaining, He wants me to use it to bring others into worship.

I have started to write poetry. Its something that I like to do on occasion. When I have the time I just sit down and start to write. The ideas keep flowing out, usually I write about my struggles in life and then others I use to praise God but in ALL of my poems He is the center fold of it all. The freedom to express yourself in words is amazing to me. If I could ever perform my poems I would because I want the name of Jesus to be out there. Here's an exert from one of my strongest poems to date:

 I ask myself

Why?

Why do I place you on a shelf?

And do things that make me cry?

I know you are displeased

but I ask myself why do I keep doing this.

I've cried...

The thirst for you has been dried.

Im desprate for you

to come and renew this broken heart.

Let the Holy Water spew...

forth, come to my rescue.

I have been given the gift to draw. I have drawn multiple things. You can find them on my facebook page of on my deviant art account. It freely allows me to express myself and what I want to do. I helps me get through my day and releaves stress. Here's some of my work.

Night.

send the rains Lord



I'm looking outside and it is lightning and thundering. Not to mention to raining very hard. To see the lightning in the sky is amazing, the beautiful streaks as they come down from the sky. I just  think of our wonderous Savior who created it. The past two times I've gone down to pray and seek the Lord. It has been storming. I believe the rain is a symbol of the Lord cleaning off the sinfulness of this world. In a sense He is refreshing us. In the city of Greensboro alone there are over 10 clubs in the area. Those are places where people can go to "loosen" up a bit and get their minds away from the stressfulness of this life. It is here where people go and bite off more than they can chew, such as getting drunk and possibly giving up something you are supposed to save for marriage. We see it and we call upon the name of the Lord. We ask Him to send the rains and wind. The rain serves as a refreshment, something that I believe that this city needs.

I came across this song a while back. It's called Rain Down by Jesus Culture.

looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change Beneath my feet, the earth is ready
I know its time for heaven's rain, it's gonna rain

Cos its living water we desire to flood our hearts with holy fire

Rain down, all around the world we're singing
Rain down can you here the earth is singing
Rain down all around your people singing
Rain down rain it down on me.
Back to the start, my heart is heavy Feels like its time, to dream again
I hear Your voice, and yes I'm ready
To live the life to sing Your song, to sing Your song
Yes I belong

and Do Not Shut

Do Not Shut

Do not shut the Heavens

But Open Up

Open Up

Open Up My Heart.

Jesus this is my prayer to you. I love you so much Father. Continue to pour out your love onto this place.

Pursuing towards greatness

I was outside doing my quiet time recently and the Lord directed me to the book of Philippians. It's crazy how the Lord works sometimes because this is just what I needed to study. The whole central theme of this book is pursuing "Christlikness." It's like this: when we are born we are babies, as we grow we become into youth and then onto being an adult. Well the Christian walk is like that. When we are born again we are a spiritual baby and as we begin to understand scripture we grow continually into a spiritual adult.

I know how it is to be a spiritual baby, in fact before I came to college that is what I was. I had been saved but I had not been getting "spiritually fed" and I was living in my sin. It wasn't until I was about to graduate from high school that I desired to be spiritually fed and in tune with God. I was eager and ready for change. It's wasn't until second semester and before that winter break before I started to notice things that didn't add up. I have grown so much in my walk with God because this semester its mind bogging. I guess God is making up for all those years that I missed out on. Thats what I love about Him, His mercy.

The verse that stuck out to me was is Philippians 1:21 "To live as Christ, and to die is gain." I knew that this verse was something that the Lord wanted me to remember because I had been repeating it all day. I broke it down to make it simple. In order to go full out for Christ we need to be willing to give Him everything. We need to be willing to die to this world. It has nothing for us anyway. There is so much pain and hurt in this world its not even funny. You will be persicuted for your beliefs if you stand for Christ, but He goes out to prepair a place for you and directs the path. Isn't that comferting to know?? That the Lord goes out before you? That should give us hope and not fear. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going.

Greater Things

This past week God has shown himself to me in more ways that I can imagine and I thought that I would share with you all. 

First off...

I have seen the Lord all over my college campus

I attend a public university in Greensboro, North Carolina. We are not a christian university. I believe that the Lord is going to change that. We have over 30 campus ministries at least and I believe that it is where the Lord is going to inspire and rise up college students to help reach this campus for the Lord. I believe with all of my heart that God is doing something on the campus of UNCG. The Lord is changing this campus and ministries are being started and people are getting to know Christ on a deeper level and some people they meet the Lord here. He is def. here. I did my quiet time in Foust Park and I looked up in the trees and I saw the face of the Lord. His presence was with me. 

Second off...

Greensboro is GOING to be reached for the Gospel. 

This past week, I had the opportunity to go pray downtown with a group of people. We went and prayed on top of one of the parking decks. We got out of our cars and immediately went around to find a spot to pray. We got in a circle and cried out our desires for this city to be reached, while we were together a storm was rolling in and we saw the lighting. I believed that it was the rain of refreshment that was washing away the impurities of the city. I knew the Lord was with us because I looked up and I swore I could see angels in the clouds. I felt him on that deck. We eventually got up to pray alone and I felt God telling me that I needed to get fully right with Him. I have fallen back into old habits but the Lord has redeemed me. I gave that up and Im not going back to where I was. Its an uphill battle but I'm getting out of the valley. We got back and we decided to walk around the city to pray for people. My group walked around for a while, and we then met back up in the park. I met up with one group and I sat down and talked with this muslim guy that we had met. We were sharing what we believed and he did as well. Then one of my friends recieved a prophetic word from God about His life. He understood where she was coming from and we explained to him where the source of the information came from. We prayed for him and then we got up to leave. A couple girls stayed behind and talked with him some more and he sparked an intrest in knowing the Lord a little better. He gave his number and extention to my friend Anna and told our pastor to have him give us a call. I feel that it was a divine appointment and it wasnt by accident that He came down. 

The Lord is amazing yall. :)

Another Year Gone.



I can't believe that this year is over already.

One year of college behind me, crazy.

I am so thankful for everything and for what God has done. He picked me up and brought me out of the darkness. (:

This Semester I.....

I got to walk around and take photos... and lots of them.

,

,

Went to Tribeca on a mission trip for spring break.

,

Rode the Subway for the first time.
,

Went to Times Square
,

Had New York Pizza


Went Sledding and got sick. :(
,

Found a New Church in Greensboro, found some awesome people there.
,

,
Went Zip Lining
,
Thats about it but there's one more thing I wanted to share with you.
It's my family. we can be goofy at times but I love them.
,

I said we could be goofy. UNCG I'll miss you. See u in a couple months

For The True Man of God

Gentlemen this is something we need to hear. Too many times we are prideful, when we need to be Humble, bear our Crosses, and LIVE FULL OUT for God! He gave it all for you, will you give all to Him, the one that gave you Life???

Hardships

Even though I walk in the hardships of this life.

I look up and I know you are there.

A feeling ever so nice

a love ever so rare.

I have no need to fear

because you are here.

Help me to trust..

so I won't fall back to lust.

Its peaceful knowing you.

The things you do for me.

the way you rescue me and take me in your arms

because I know im made fearfully by you.

So I say thank you Jesus.

For doing what you did.

You didnt have to.. but you chose.

to give yourself for a wrech such as me.

So I all can do is Thank You

Dusty Shelf's

I ask myself

Why?

Why do I place you on a shelf?

And do things that make me cry?

I know you are displeased

but I ask myself why do I keep doing this.

I've cried...

The thirst for you has been dried.

Im desprate for you

to come and renew this broken heart.

Let the Holy Water spew...

forth, come to my rescue.

 The devil thinks he's won, its over its done.

But He's sadly mistaken.

The battle has been won

Behold, a reawaken.

I awaken from my resting place.

Glory to God in the highest. I say.

I embrace..

The one who erased..

My shortcomings

My Addictions

My Struggles.

My fall outs

My slip ups.

That shelf... its gotten dusty these days.

Why, because I can never put my God down.

words escape my lips eternal praise

You hold the crown.

I am your servant.

I long to follow and be used of you.

Help to be observant

Again I say make me true. <3

~Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17.

"Will you die for Jesus Christ?" that question has been on my mind today. We are not guarenteed the next second, the next breath, the next heart beat. The Lord has really shown me over the past while so much. Can I honestly say that I would give up my life for the cause of Christ? The answer to that question for us should be "yes Lord" but I believe that most of us really would not wanna give up our lives for the sake of Christ and His ministry. Thats a sad thing to think about. But let me give you an example, if you were at gunpoint, on your knees in a parking lot would you give your life to the cause of Christ? or would you not be afraid because you are not fearful of where your heavenly Father has promised you. I always go back to Colombine, where a shooting broke out in the school and she was at gunpoint and was asked the question "Do you believe in God?" and she looked to her killers and said "Yes" without fear she replied. That to me is the greatest amount of courage that a person could show.

I believe that dying can also mean dying to yourself and picking your cross up daily like He tells us to do on a daily basis. Only when you realize that you cant do it alone and you need help will you really understand this. Christ has called us to a different portion, the Lord has shown me so much over these past couple of months and its an exciting time to be around Him. Be thankful for what He's done in your life.

Music is something that I can say, influences my life. I hear a song and I wanna kill my lungs out and sing it to the loudest of my ability. Since coming to college, the Lord has convicted me of secular music, particullary rap music. Until this year, I had not even paid attention to what secular rap was talking about. I went to a basically all Black high school and thats all we listened to. I had switched schools across town in the 6th grade, so coming into a new enviroment, had to make new friends, etc. I found my comfort in music because that's what I surronded myself with. I began to find that rap was the favorite of the students at my school and throughout to my graduation from high school. I didnt like it at first, but as I progressed into the school, rap found its way into my life, even to the point where I would start talking like them and even began dressing like it too. I rocked the forces and the basketball jerseys and all that. I thought I was cool but I knew it wasnt.

Fastforward to High School, rap still had an effect on me, because I used to listen to it on the car ride to school and when I would sit in my car at lunch. By this time, rap had eased off on me because I got into a different group and therefore my music changed. I got into a lot of rock music mostly Christian. Rap didnt have a hold on me as it had before. Graduation day, I wanted to start fresh with the Lord. As I walked across the stage and recieved my diploma from High School, I knew that He was proud of me but I still needed to make changes and I was ready to give Him those.

College has shown me really what rap music is. I despise secular rap music. Me and a friend were talking about the Lil Wayne concert that came to our city last weekend and how many people were flocking to see him. I had never thought about his music, I had considered myself a fan of his because of his multiple talents as a musician but when me and my friend started talking about it I found that rap usually covers the same 3 things: getting money, drugs and girls. I mean for me hearing that I can say that was a reminder for me because I had let myself fall to that. I dont go clubbing, I dont dance and I dont drink or do anything like that because it is not in my spirit. I think it personally leads someone down the wrong path. The Lord has filled those secular rappers and replaced them with christian ones. Ones that are real and preach what the Lord has done in their life. Lecrae, Tedashii, Sho Baraka and Trip Lee are some of the realist rappers out there so look em up they will change your mind.

Breaker... a poem by Jose Palos.

 Hey guys this poem is off one of my favorite bands new album.. let it touch your heart as it did mine.
Fear.
Pain.
Confusion.
Rejection.
Powerless.
Helplessness.
How can I break this cycle of hopelessness when I’m broken,
soaked in a spirit of anger?
With the roots of bitterness
rooted in the marrow of my bones
flourishing through my soul,
oh my soul.

Sick and tired.
Trapped.
Body wrapped with sharp pain because my body wasn’t made to contain all this rage.
My mind wasn’t made,
my eyes weren’t made,
my soul was not made to behold what shackles my soul now.
Bound by memories of being innocent.
Uncle sinning against me sexually.
Momma knew he was molesting me, smacking me across my face. I could do nothing.
Pops wasn’t around to give me the time of day.
All I wanted was a time and place where I could be loved.
A hug from my mom was too much.
So I turned to lust on the net while I was hooked like a fish
as I click, click, clicked to watch porn flicks trying to find intimacy,
or an outlet at least.
But as I try to breathe and be at ease I see my mom in hell and the devil’s breath on the glass…broken, this is my aftermath.

As I was thinking back,
back to a day,
it was mid-day,
but the sky was black like midnight.
Seeing a lifeless body impaled by nails…
caught my attention cause it was like a blood bath as I
looked past and saw a broken man
soaked in the white hot wrath of God and I asked why.
I found some answers in His…face.
I began to recognize in the background of every instance of my life I ignored…
though ruined the world…
He wooed me
though crude and without a clue and
screwed and out of my mind
He pursued me…He made me whole.
Life.
Love.
Forgiveness.
Acceptance.
Stripping demons right off my back trying to leech life off me.
Get off me and feel my Father’s fury oppressor!
One day you’ll feel the full blast of His vengeance. Cause I’ve got strength.
He blew courage in my backbone.
Now I’ll stand straight and militant.
Lining up with Jehovah…
knowing you can’t challenge Him so we march forward.
Swift as eagles,
set like talons ready to grip souls from your grasp slick snake and my Lord seizes you and vengeance is His.
But for now…
a holy mandate to heal cause I know how bad it hurts.
Full of madness at first but now
gladness bursts at the seams of our beings
because we overflow with the oil of joy.
The ointment of the annointed mending any torn soul.
Healing any broken bone.
He is here.
He was there.
He is peace.
He is faithful.

 

An Amazing Opportunity

Have you seen whats been going on in our world recently? Massive earthquakes and countries protesting their governments... its crazy all thats happening in our world. Its getting close to the end I believe. Things in my life have been showing me this. On the way home from lunch after Church on Sunday we discussed this same topic in the car, even tonight after Bible Study we sat around a small table and while we were eating we were approached by a girl and she was giving out papers that said: Repent for the Kingdom is at hand. Now more than ever, we as Christians need to take a stand for what is right and go to the nations like we are told in The Great Commenssion. This past week for Spring Break I got to experience, stepping out on faith and hopefully growing the Kingdom for Him.

This past week I experienced what life was like in the Big City aka New York City.



I had no idea what I was getting into, I wanted to go originally just to see the sites because I had never seen the north at all. Then I began to pray for the trip, if God wanted me to go or not. I told Him that if He provided the way, then I knew that I was meant to go. I decided to fast while I was praying for the trip because I wanted to hear what God was saying to me. I knew He wanted me to go but I needed money to go. I had given up hope in getting the money for the trip. I found that my grandmother had but 200 dollars in my account and my parents in the end helped me get the other half. I was amazed and in awe at what the Lord had for me.

We arrived and we were told what we were going to be doing for the week. We were assigned a campus for the week to go to and pray for. I was assigned to Bronx Community College. When I found out that I was going to the Bronx I was okay with it, it wasnt until I was told that I would be one of three white people on campus.. thats when I got nervous. We arrived on campus and started to pray for the campus and what the Lord had in store for the students of BCC and the city of NYC. We divided up and we went around making conversation after conversation.. I talked to a guy named Ron, who happened to be a basketball player for BCC. We talked for a good while until He had to go to class. We talked about different things about the city, the Bronx and other things of that matter. Then it switched into a religious conversation and He told us that He was a Christian and I thought that was the time to encourage Him, so thats what me and the other person did. I talked to a girl who had NEVER heard the Gospel before( imagine it people, people in the US dont know Christ or even know what we believe, that should spark a revival.) We sat down with her and shared what we believed and the whole Jesus coming to die for our sins. She told us her father had died and I related to her because of the loss of my grandmother.

Then the biggest seed that I believed we planted was a guy named Christian, he wasnt saved and we shared the gospel with him for about an hour. It was an amazing time, He looked like he was intrested in what we were saying but asked alot of questions. Then another guy came up and saw us doing what we were doing. He thanked us and kind of took over the conversation. I didnt like that He kinda stole the show but I mean it was good to back us up with. I just felt that Christian felt uncomfortable in the situation, eventaully he had to run to class but he left with a grin.

Then we reached out to the poor. Like Jesus hung out with the poor. We made bag lunches and gave them out. This part for me was the hardest part of the whole week or at least for me. I was nervous and was alarmed at the number of people in New York that were homeless. We talked to a guy named Jason and he was very happy to take the meal. He told us he had just moved back up here. He loved the scene and that was where he was from. We prayed for his health and the ability to get on his feet. It was an amazing time.

The Song God of This City has been in my head and I always think back to NYC. I challenge you to Pray for NYC and the people that are there because He is there, b/c I felt Him.
I love the words
You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are
and
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here.

Matt