I havent written for the sole fact that I've been in class and all that jazz. Schools been okay I guess.
Anyway God has worked this past and I felt led to share.
I had a feeling that He was speaking to me this past semester since coming to college. It grew as I went to break. Then God hit a milestone in my life by saying through my pastors message one morning: I dont put you through things that arent apart of my will and everything you will conquer. I had that on my mind and I knew that God was trying to tell me something. I didnt know what though. Rewind back to Tuesday. I met with my bible study for a time of prayer. It was awesome. I was just 3 of us anyway but when one or more are gathered in His name then its okay. I believed that God was there and He used my friend to get through to me. He(through my friend) told me why are you holding onto what you are holding on to. Ive already forgiven you. My heart jumped. I continued to listen. You just have to forgive yourself for what you've done. I struggled with things in my past and she didnt call it out, but I knew what God was saying. The whole time they were speaking to me I had a little sharp pain in my heart and as soon as God stopped speaking to me, it went away. Then my friend told me to read and pray Psalm 139. Have God search your heart, she said. The pain started again. It went away and then Taffy told me again what God was telling her about me. God was saying that I was attached to it like a baby is to its mother and He was standing right in front of me ready to cut it. I felt Him there. Im thinking: This is what I have been searching for since starting college. He was waiting on me. I now believe that " I must wait on Him". I now understand that It was me holding onto this and It wasnt God's will for me to get away from it just yet. I was ready to make a change at the beginning but I had no idea how awesome that experience would be. It was a freeing experience. I had been blined to the truth for many years. Satan put lies in my head, telling me that I wasnt worthy of Gods grace and that I would never sucome to anything. I couldnt forgive myself because I had caused people harm. Those lies got me everytime. I know realize that I am a stronger and I was ready to end that part of my life and start anew.
Story Short I returned to my room and shut the lights off and sat in my recliner chair. I quoted Psalms and I prayed it out loud. It was emotional, I then grabbed my mirror and looked myself in the face. I said I forgive you millions of times and Im saying Let it Go alot. Then I got to a point where I laid down and spread my arms out and I prayed for God to remove what I had been holding onto for several years. I know now why I went back to it: Forgivness, of myself. All the glory to the One who gave His life for mine, So I can be with the Father forever.
