Of the World?

I've been back from the beach for about 2 weeks. The devil thinks he is clever because he is has tried and has gotten me to fall back and struggle with past sins. Throughout all of this, I have remained relying on God, to move and I know its only by the Spirit that can change my heart, but I also need to put in some pratical time, I understand that God works but it takes a little effort. Yes, relying on Christ is what I need at the moment but I need to meet Him halfway. I need to remind myself of the Gospel everyday, without that I fall. I need to remind myself that I am a sinner that is bound for Hell on my own in my flesh. I have no hope, but the good news is that God gave that to me, by sending His son to take on the sin of the world. I never really stop and meditate on that and its a convicting thing for me, do I dwell on the cross and the meaning of it? Do I even desire to Love Christ like I say I do?

Romans 12:2 states "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the perfect will of God." The question then becomes Am I friend of the world or am I a friend of God. In scripture it says that if we love God we must become enemies of the world. My campus leader in Campus Outreach put it the other night in a question "why is it hard to live with a kingdom mindset all the time?" I replied that most people believe that this life is all about getting what YOU want, and being the best at whatever you do, its a survival of the fittest aspect of it. What we pay attention to the most and what we invest our time in explains where our heart is, and where our motives are. If its anything other than God it is sin.

I have been convicted of this in my own life, my passion has been in my sin and pleasures of this world and what can I get out of certain things. My affections havent been set on Christ, who I say that I love. I havent been getting in the word like I should, and growing deeper in my walk since coming back and have been turning back to lust and the things that go with it. I know its where God has called me to be at the moment and I'm okay with that because He is making me stronger and I've seen that evident in my life and I know that there is coming a day when I will be totally free from the grips of porn and all the things that are attached to it. I ask for your prayers as I continue the fight, I believe that I have been losing the fight because I dont have the trust in God like I should. I sometimes question why I go through what I do because it seems to always hurt me and leave me in a deeper pit and I believe that I havent had any backing from others in prayer, so I covet those as I continue the fight.

I believe that God is changing my heart even now, because now I reconize that its a problem when a while ago I didn't. I believe im on the hill about to cresent the hill and never looking back to where Ive been, its been an awesome journey so far and I look forward to whats to come and what He does in my life, this coming school year. Again I covet your prayers on my behalf.

Pray that I : would be reminded of the Gospel daily. 2) know when Im feeling temptation to escape it and go somewhere else. 3) rely on God for everything and to get me past this.

thanks Matt

The Freshness

Do I know that You care?

 Do I know that Your Here?

This is much more than I can bear.

Lord, Oh how I long to be clear.

This world is sufficationg me.

It's tears against my ugly flesh

Please God hear my plea.

Make me fresh.

I'm chained up

Locked up with the key thrown out

like a fresh bottle of ketshup pulled from the shelf

face full of doubts

Asking myself "Will I ever be freed of this?"

When I'm about to loose hope and when all else fails

Your prescence comes to me like a wave crashing on the beach

It is immediate, I'm hit like a brick.

Reminding me of who I am and why I'm here.

This world will fail me,

But I know God, You will never fail.

In You am I able to be free

Please God hear my plea.

Lord, Oh how I long to be clear.

transitions

Over a year ago I started college. I knew that when I graduated from High School and moved out on my own, I knew that I wanted to stay grounded in my faith. Upon entering college, and attending the fair on the first day of school I learned about Campus Crusade for Christ. I remember going because it was one of the only ministry's that I heard about. I remember treking over to the Sullivan building for meetings the first semester, I loved the worship at the meetings and it turned out to become my ministry for most of my freshman year. Over Christmas break, I started to feel different about my decision, maybe I had made it to soon, I had friends that had gone to CO another campus ministry and attended there weekly. I felt the pull of God to maybe go elsewhere once I got back from winter break. In myself I battled Him. 'No God, I just made friends here, I'm just getting into this.' I told Him, but sooner or later I went about staying in Crusade, a spring break opportunity came up, a week long trip to NYC. Wow I thought. I felt the pull to go so I signed up and followed. While there I believe God started to reveal a passion for sharing the Gospel as that was what we were there doing. I got back and AGAIN felt God pulling me to step down from Crusade and to go elsewhere. I didnt want to leave people that I had become friends with, and it felt bad after going on a trip with them and then saying peace, to them. Despite that I followed Him and started going to 805 aka Campus Outreach.

I remember asking my friends where 805 was and asked if I could walk with them. As we walked over I passed several Cru memembers and my heart sank. As we got to the meeting I was immediately hit with all these new faces of people. People came up and shook my hand and asked my name. I was like wow these people are friendly. As the meeting started I began to loosen up, the game was funny, the testimoney amazing and the message very pratical. I felt home, like this is where God wanted me all along. I believe God puts in things and then takes us out according to His will. Long story short I ended up going the rest of the semester and then going on an eight week trip with them over  the summer where I grew  so much and  developed friendships. Again I felt home, and CO will always be a place for me to go to and Im thankful that Im apart of that and this ministry.

Summer Plans already? Yea

Im on spring break. Its hard to believe that the semester is almost over. When I go back this weekend, I have about a month and a few weeks till my summer starts. My college career is halfway over. It still blows my mind that I walked over two years ago and here I am almost 20. AHHH im going crazy. Anyway... I have some awesome news. I found out that I am returning to the Summer Beach Project! I was asked to be on leadership, a role that not everyone gets the chance to do. Im excited to be going back on the other side of project, last year I was the one recieving everything, this summer I get to give and I am super pumped about that. I believe that the Lord is allowing me to return, and again I am trusting Him to provide the funds to get me there.

I am on the servant team for SBP 2012. I'll be serving the project, by being in prayer for the students. One thing I believe that I'm passionate about is seeing students grow in their walks with Christ. It brings me joy too see students grow so much over the summer and thats why I'm so excited for SBP.

This is the vid from last years project. To Legit to quit. Enjoy! and be in prayer for us and the students that we will reach



As I fall from the grips of my faith.
You came, without a trace.
Caught mid way and told me that it would be alright.
Encouraging me to keep fight.

Savior please, consume my life, my wants, needs. My desires, my goals, my being, heal me of broken wounds and a broken heart. Savior please do as you want.

I pleaded and He heard. A change overcomes me, o am transformed.
Savior please keep saving me from myself.



A simple message but I forget, that He transferred himself to us and us to Him.

Finding your Significents

This is from one of my friends stories, and she has allowed me to share it with you all. I hope it changes your life as it impacted me. Blessings (:

I’m going to write for a bit.

You don’t have to read this, but God bless you if you do.

For the past 2 years, my heart and soul have been hit with hammers, paper balls, screwdrivers, fists, pillows and rubber bands. There both a little dented up in their current state. I haven’t been happy. No, that’s the wrong word. Being “happy” is so temporary.

I haven’t had any joy.

When I looked/look in a mirror, I hated and hate what I see. I never feel good enough for anything or anyone. I feel fake. I have a filthy mouth and I drink, not too much, but I do. I haven’t been to church in months and tonight I went where I was welcome with open arms by friends that I haven’t seen in ages. When the pastor asked if anyone wanted to receive any gifts or words from God, I sat quietly in the back and watched. It was beautiful, hearing prayer over everyone and seeing joy on people’s faces, life flowing through them. In my mind I screamed “I want this!” but I continued to just sit quietly. Tears came to my eyes.
After it was over, the pastor asked if anyone else needed prayer, whether unspoken or general. Before I could say so, he had looked straight at me.

                                       “I believe God is telling me to share a word with you.”

My stomach got in knots. I knew it was coming. This thing I had been avoiding for months was going to be addressed. But this was what I wanted more than anything. I needed it.

He walked over to me. We had never met before so I introduced myself quietly. I then stood with my eyes shut as he prayed over me. Immediately I began sobbing at what he prayed for and what he said about me. When the prayer was over, I felt so vulnerable surrounded by this crowd of familiar and unfamiliar faces. The pastor continued to tell me that, in short, I was valued. That I was God’s favorite. That on God’s mirror at home, my picture was hanging there. He also said that I didn’t need to worry about the future - something I have been doing for a while. As more people spoke up, I heard different words. Of how God’s relationship with me was close-knit. How when I hurt, God hurt. Someone told me that whenever I was upset, God sends people into my life to make me happy again. So that I won’t hurt so badly. One of my close friends told me to not make myself invisible. To ask for help if I needed it. She also said that she was given a vision of me standing and looking into a mirror and that when I see myself, I don’t like anything I see but behind me, she saw people standing and looking at me and thinking how great I was or how pretty I was. One girl I had never met before, who was standing beside me, said that I just screamed “Glory of the Lord”, that it was a kind of sign that hung above my head everywhere I went. She said that I was “that” person. That person that people longed to have such a quality like. Other people said they saw me having great plans for the future. That God had big things in store for me. The last person that spoke told me that the word “significant” kept repeating itself over and over.

                                                                      Significant. 

All of this made me cry. Ball my eyes out like a baby. How terrible and unworthy I have felt all these years. Too unworthy of God’s love. Too unworthy and broken to talk to Him or to reach out for help. 7 or 8 people spoke words to me from God tonight, most of who had never met me before. I wish I could remember word for word everything. One that stood out most to me was the very last of the night.
About an hour or so after the prayer had happened, a boy I had never met before came in and shared with me that he had a word for me. Apparently for weeks, my good friend had been trying to get him to share words with people that God had given him. But he refused. As he sat down and began to explain this vision God gave him, he said he saw a sunset and then a sunrise. He told me he was a bit confused because it should have been in the reverse order - sunrise to sunset. But then he pulled from it that the sunset signified the past and the sunrise, a beautiful future. I was stuck in the middle, he said, and that I needed to leave the past behind - let it set - and move on to a beautiful sunrise.
Everything that happened tonight put things into perspective. I don’t need to worry so much. I don’t need to try to be anything other than who I am as a person. As many times as I’ve messed up and that I’ve been hurt, God loves me. So much. I can’t even comprehend or write about it. I am His daughter. And it feels amazing.

 

Overwhealmed

There are times when I get fustrated. Times where I get hopless, feeling as if there is nothing that can help me. Last night I was reminded that He is there for me. Once a month at my church we have a prayer service called 'FLAME'. Its a time to get encouragement and just a time to worship God. I look forward to it every month. Anyway there was a common theme with me: Remember who Lives inside you. Sometimes I forget or fail to acknowledge that God lives inside me. I hate to say that about myself, but I'd be lying to ya if I didnt tell you the truth.

School has started back up, I'm back down to five classes. two less then last semester: two words: THANK GOD. I praise Him for getting me through that crazy semester. I dont know why, but when I get overwhelmed I tend not to have a good day and things fall apart from there. One of my friends brought me back to the realization that God has already won the war, and we both know how it ends, buts its fighting these little "daily battles" that I tend to fail at. I thought about that for a while and I just sat there in awe and was thinking to myself DUH. It was a huge slap in the face, I felt stupid.. Here I am worried about these little battles that I should know how it ends.

The Bible states that after the thousand year reign of Christ, the antichrist who was locked up after the seven year tribulation period is finally released to reek havoc on the world. You think God will sit back and let him do that? HECK NO!!!! Scripture says that He will cast him(satan) into the lake of fire and there He will perish. I dont know about you but that makes me wanna jump. Ha! But even better the devil lost his bout on the cross of Christ. When Jesus spread His arms open, IT WAS ALL OVER!!! 

Even as I was typing this I got a slap in the face, its time for me to stop being so stupid and abusing grace. I hate that, sometimes I feel as if I abuse the love that Christ gives to me, but I know that He loved me enough to spread his arms and embrace me. I'm thankful for that even when I'm turning away from Christ to live for myself. It pains me now as I type this. Christ: break my heart. Draw me close, bring me back.

Healings

I just recently got back from a new years conference in Chattanooga,TN. Im listening to the talks online. I am re listening to the men's talk with Piper. One of the quotes that he said was if you have given up, given your life over to something in 2011. He said:

"If you have messed up in 2011, GOD will have YOU back in 2012.

WOW, what a statement and how much it applies to my life. In 2011, I made several steps in my walk with Christ, you can read my previous blog for that. Midway through the year I started slipping back, and I fell off the rock. I slid down to the very bottom, I thought that I was without hope, but after hearing this talk... Piper spoke to me, through God. Far to often do I feel bad about myself, I dont ever think I'm good enough. I know that on my own I wont get anywhere but in CHRIST I am made A!ive. Christ's blood made me clean, He paid my sin debt, I take that for granted SO MUCH. We all do. I thought that I was alone, helpless, a lost cause but God rescued me in the right time when I was about to give up myself.

Through Him: I'm learning to cope with my past... and it's my prayer that I'm used to tell my story to someone who is in the same boat I was in. I know that I WILL NEVER GO BACK to where I was.

If I have to I'll fight.

I'm in the process of being Healed, my scars run deep but I know that slowly they will be healed.. to know that He invites me back in gives my heart a jump. Im grateful for grace

Things I did and my Mission

In 2011 I...

• De-decicated my life back to Christ. :)
• Made it through my first year at UNC- Greensboro
• Went on a mission trip to NYC with Cru, only being called to switch ministries right after.. oops
• Started attending Campus Outreach aka '805' in March, immed. fell in love and knew that I was in the right place/
• Started attending Chruch at Piedmont International Church in Greensboro, and as well as getting involed with Encounter.
• Attended a few Bible Studies
• Saw a hall mate come to know Christ last year after praying for Him all year
• Went to my first ever Summer Beach Project with CO.
• lived in SC for 2 months of the year.
• Shared my faith publically for the first time on the beach with complete strangers.
• Grew alot in my faith than EVER before.
• Worked my first 'real' job
• Became a Sophomore
• Helped students move in with ECM and CO
• Dorm-Storm- our way of getting the word out about CO meeting, meetings grew this semester thanks to that.
• went to Men's retreat and did manly things
• Went to National Conference and partied till I was purple that night with people that had the same morals as I did.
• Saw the 116 guys multiple times.

2012.. I look forward to this year and all the things that happen.

Lord, have your hand on this year. May we grow as a ministry as well as individuals in you. I pray for our ministry CO at UNCG, I pray you have Your way in 2012 with us. Let us go take the gospel to campus so that from Spring Garden Apartments to Phillips-Hawkins, the Gospel will be proclaimed. Equip us. Teach us. Instruct us. Show us Yourself.

I pray for my own personal ministry this year. I know you want me to do amazing things this year. I pray that You would have your way with me. I pray that if it involves leading others that you would equip me, give me a passion to reach out to others especially younger men that I can lead and show them the grace and satisfaction that is found in Christ. I pray that You would be at the center, that I would go harder for the sake of the Gospel this year. No more lukewarm for Matt Cook baby.. set and based in Christ. Never had it better. Thanks for bringing me back. I love You Father.