As I fall from the grips of my faith.
You came, without a trace.
Caught mid way and told me that it would be alright.
Encouraging me to keep fight.

Savior please, consume my life, my wants, needs. My desires, my goals, my being, heal me of broken wounds and a broken heart. Savior please do as you want.

I pleaded and He heard. A change overcomes me, o am transformed.
Savior please keep saving me from myself.



A simple message but I forget, that He transferred himself to us and us to Him.

Finding your Significents

This is from one of my friends stories, and she has allowed me to share it with you all. I hope it changes your life as it impacted me. Blessings (:

I’m going to write for a bit.

You don’t have to read this, but God bless you if you do.

For the past 2 years, my heart and soul have been hit with hammers, paper balls, screwdrivers, fists, pillows and rubber bands. There both a little dented up in their current state. I haven’t been happy. No, that’s the wrong word. Being “happy” is so temporary.

I haven’t had any joy.

When I looked/look in a mirror, I hated and hate what I see. I never feel good enough for anything or anyone. I feel fake. I have a filthy mouth and I drink, not too much, but I do. I haven’t been to church in months and tonight I went where I was welcome with open arms by friends that I haven’t seen in ages. When the pastor asked if anyone wanted to receive any gifts or words from God, I sat quietly in the back and watched. It was beautiful, hearing prayer over everyone and seeing joy on people’s faces, life flowing through them. In my mind I screamed “I want this!” but I continued to just sit quietly. Tears came to my eyes.
After it was over, the pastor asked if anyone else needed prayer, whether unspoken or general. Before I could say so, he had looked straight at me.

                                       “I believe God is telling me to share a word with you.”

My stomach got in knots. I knew it was coming. This thing I had been avoiding for months was going to be addressed. But this was what I wanted more than anything. I needed it.

He walked over to me. We had never met before so I introduced myself quietly. I then stood with my eyes shut as he prayed over me. Immediately I began sobbing at what he prayed for and what he said about me. When the prayer was over, I felt so vulnerable surrounded by this crowd of familiar and unfamiliar faces. The pastor continued to tell me that, in short, I was valued. That I was God’s favorite. That on God’s mirror at home, my picture was hanging there. He also said that I didn’t need to worry about the future - something I have been doing for a while. As more people spoke up, I heard different words. Of how God’s relationship with me was close-knit. How when I hurt, God hurt. Someone told me that whenever I was upset, God sends people into my life to make me happy again. So that I won’t hurt so badly. One of my close friends told me to not make myself invisible. To ask for help if I needed it. She also said that she was given a vision of me standing and looking into a mirror and that when I see myself, I don’t like anything I see but behind me, she saw people standing and looking at me and thinking how great I was or how pretty I was. One girl I had never met before, who was standing beside me, said that I just screamed “Glory of the Lord”, that it was a kind of sign that hung above my head everywhere I went. She said that I was “that” person. That person that people longed to have such a quality like. Other people said they saw me having great plans for the future. That God had big things in store for me. The last person that spoke told me that the word “significant” kept repeating itself over and over.

                                                                      Significant. 

All of this made me cry. Ball my eyes out like a baby. How terrible and unworthy I have felt all these years. Too unworthy of God’s love. Too unworthy and broken to talk to Him or to reach out for help. 7 or 8 people spoke words to me from God tonight, most of who had never met me before. I wish I could remember word for word everything. One that stood out most to me was the very last of the night.
About an hour or so after the prayer had happened, a boy I had never met before came in and shared with me that he had a word for me. Apparently for weeks, my good friend had been trying to get him to share words with people that God had given him. But he refused. As he sat down and began to explain this vision God gave him, he said he saw a sunset and then a sunrise. He told me he was a bit confused because it should have been in the reverse order - sunrise to sunset. But then he pulled from it that the sunset signified the past and the sunrise, a beautiful future. I was stuck in the middle, he said, and that I needed to leave the past behind - let it set - and move on to a beautiful sunrise.
Everything that happened tonight put things into perspective. I don’t need to worry so much. I don’t need to try to be anything other than who I am as a person. As many times as I’ve messed up and that I’ve been hurt, God loves me. So much. I can’t even comprehend or write about it. I am His daughter. And it feels amazing.

 

Overwhealmed

There are times when I get fustrated. Times where I get hopless, feeling as if there is nothing that can help me. Last night I was reminded that He is there for me. Once a month at my church we have a prayer service called 'FLAME'. Its a time to get encouragement and just a time to worship God. I look forward to it every month. Anyway there was a common theme with me: Remember who Lives inside you. Sometimes I forget or fail to acknowledge that God lives inside me. I hate to say that about myself, but I'd be lying to ya if I didnt tell you the truth.

School has started back up, I'm back down to five classes. two less then last semester: two words: THANK GOD. I praise Him for getting me through that crazy semester. I dont know why, but when I get overwhelmed I tend not to have a good day and things fall apart from there. One of my friends brought me back to the realization that God has already won the war, and we both know how it ends, buts its fighting these little "daily battles" that I tend to fail at. I thought about that for a while and I just sat there in awe and was thinking to myself DUH. It was a huge slap in the face, I felt stupid.. Here I am worried about these little battles that I should know how it ends.

The Bible states that after the thousand year reign of Christ, the antichrist who was locked up after the seven year tribulation period is finally released to reek havoc on the world. You think God will sit back and let him do that? HECK NO!!!! Scripture says that He will cast him(satan) into the lake of fire and there He will perish. I dont know about you but that makes me wanna jump. Ha! But even better the devil lost his bout on the cross of Christ. When Jesus spread His arms open, IT WAS ALL OVER!!! 

Even as I was typing this I got a slap in the face, its time for me to stop being so stupid and abusing grace. I hate that, sometimes I feel as if I abuse the love that Christ gives to me, but I know that He loved me enough to spread his arms and embrace me. I'm thankful for that even when I'm turning away from Christ to live for myself. It pains me now as I type this. Christ: break my heart. Draw me close, bring me back.

Healings

I just recently got back from a new years conference in Chattanooga,TN. Im listening to the talks online. I am re listening to the men's talk with Piper. One of the quotes that he said was if you have given up, given your life over to something in 2011. He said:

"If you have messed up in 2011, GOD will have YOU back in 2012.

WOW, what a statement and how much it applies to my life. In 2011, I made several steps in my walk with Christ, you can read my previous blog for that. Midway through the year I started slipping back, and I fell off the rock. I slid down to the very bottom, I thought that I was without hope, but after hearing this talk... Piper spoke to me, through God. Far to often do I feel bad about myself, I dont ever think I'm good enough. I know that on my own I wont get anywhere but in CHRIST I am made A!ive. Christ's blood made me clean, He paid my sin debt, I take that for granted SO MUCH. We all do. I thought that I was alone, helpless, a lost cause but God rescued me in the right time when I was about to give up myself.

Through Him: I'm learning to cope with my past... and it's my prayer that I'm used to tell my story to someone who is in the same boat I was in. I know that I WILL NEVER GO BACK to where I was.

If I have to I'll fight.

I'm in the process of being Healed, my scars run deep but I know that slowly they will be healed.. to know that He invites me back in gives my heart a jump. Im grateful for grace

Things I did and my Mission

In 2011 I...

• De-decicated my life back to Christ. :)
• Made it through my first year at UNC- Greensboro
• Went on a mission trip to NYC with Cru, only being called to switch ministries right after.. oops
• Started attending Campus Outreach aka '805' in March, immed. fell in love and knew that I was in the right place/
• Started attending Chruch at Piedmont International Church in Greensboro, and as well as getting involed with Encounter.
• Attended a few Bible Studies
• Saw a hall mate come to know Christ last year after praying for Him all year
• Went to my first ever Summer Beach Project with CO.
• lived in SC for 2 months of the year.
• Shared my faith publically for the first time on the beach with complete strangers.
• Grew alot in my faith than EVER before.
• Worked my first 'real' job
• Became a Sophomore
• Helped students move in with ECM and CO
• Dorm-Storm- our way of getting the word out about CO meeting, meetings grew this semester thanks to that.
• went to Men's retreat and did manly things
• Went to National Conference and partied till I was purple that night with people that had the same morals as I did.
• Saw the 116 guys multiple times.

2012.. I look forward to this year and all the things that happen.

Lord, have your hand on this year. May we grow as a ministry as well as individuals in you. I pray for our ministry CO at UNCG, I pray you have Your way in 2012 with us. Let us go take the gospel to campus so that from Spring Garden Apartments to Phillips-Hawkins, the Gospel will be proclaimed. Equip us. Teach us. Instruct us. Show us Yourself.

I pray for my own personal ministry this year. I know you want me to do amazing things this year. I pray that You would have your way with me. I pray that if it involves leading others that you would equip me, give me a passion to reach out to others especially younger men that I can lead and show them the grace and satisfaction that is found in Christ. I pray that You would be at the center, that I would go harder for the sake of the Gospel this year. No more lukewarm for Matt Cook baby.. set and based in Christ. Never had it better. Thanks for bringing me back. I love You Father.

Calling

I am empty,
I'm am a dead soul, my body is weak.
I walk around malls this way.. People staring my way as I walk past. They say 'are you okay' or 'what's your problem'... But I know I was destined for greatness, I know of someone who thinks im to die for.....

In Him I am made complete. I lay my head on that pillow knowing daily that He is in control. My light grows as I begin to trust Him and lean on Him. See life's not a 'walk in the park' as we call it. No friends life's a struggle, we must due to self, that's a hard thing. Daily I fight with my flesh, not to fall into temptation. You see I'm like this because a guy named adam sinned and broke Gods law. So I'm sinful by nature thanks to Him. Living 4 Him is the life and is better than the life I once lived. I might look weird but baby I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and living the way I'm called to.

Hanging Out with Jesus

This past semester the Lord has really told me one simple thing: 'Sit Back and rest.' Thats a hard thing for me because I always like to do things. I've been learning to hear God's voice, but this year as a whole, 2011. God has chosen this year for me to see Him. Until recently I had only seen Him once. A month or two ago, I just felt led to go in front of the Lord. I felt like I was supposed to lay down on the chair. I did I closed my eyes and I told God, I said "God, I want to rest in You, its what You, here I am do what ya want." I said that and just laid there, I've blogged about this experience before but that was one of the first times that I had ever seen hung out with Him or even seen Him. Granted I dont know how He looks, because no one really knows what He looks like but I went by what pictures I had seen of Him.

Then yesterday I was bored so I decided to hang out with a friend. We were playing a game and I happened to look over at a chair and see Jesus.. He looked intrested in what we were doing. My friend gets these sights of Him as well, she see's Him as her husband, which is cool in my book. We got to talking that whatever way we might need Him, thats how He reveals himself to us. For me its a support person. He is always there to help me when Im down. He is always there, always has His hands on me, praying for me. Its such an encouragement. Its great to know that I have someone who loves me that much and supports me through all the tough times, someone who forgives me even when I dont love back. Thats true love people. I believe  that I have grown so much closer to Him this year than all the years that I've been saved.